A Note on Father's Day

Like all parents I am sometimes astounded by the things my children say, good and bad. Recently I was very surprised to hear my oldest child ask, “Why are all the dads on tv idiots?” It caught my interest for a few reasons.

The first is that the kid was astute enough to notice that. Men on television have been getting progressively stupider and more immature in recent decades. If they are not infantilized morons or brainless horndogs, they are workaholics incapable of connecting to other people, including their own children. That’s a far cry from “Leave it to Beaver,” “The Andy Griffith Show,” and “Cosby.” You might find a responsible father on cable (sometimes, as in the Gene Simmons reality show, in unexpected places) but network tv doesn’t have much going on in this area. In cartoons fathers are especially idiotic. Why men have allowed this to happen is beyond me. I think they should complain and revolt.

The second is that the reason my child recognized this is because Mr. J is such a good father. My kids can recognize what’s wrong because they see what’s right. One evening I was trying to watch a little of the BBC version of “Pride and Prejudice.” The oldest kid walked through the room just as Lizzie was rejecting Mr. Collins’s marriage proposal. Mrs. Bennett was running through the house in hysterics and Mr. Bennett was hiding in his study. The kid looked at me and said “Why doesn’t he DO something? He’s the FATHER.” When Mr. Bennett bestirred himself my child said “FINALLY!” in disgust and left the room. My children have high expectations of fathers in the world because their father has high expectation for himself and them.

Mr. J is the parent in our household who quizzes the kids on their spelling words. He helps with higher level math and is the in-house consultant on any projects requiring construction, dioramas and the like. Woe unto the child who brings home an unacceptable grade without a good explanation.

It isn’t just what it said, but what is done. When Mr. J puts a small vegetable garden in the backyard or cleans out the gutters he is saying volumes about what he considers his responsibilities at home and good stewardship generally. One spring when our birdfeeder was momentarily empty a bird laid eggs in it. You could hear the babies chirping and see the parents delivering food. Unfortunately the birdfeeder is metal and can get pretty hot on summer days. Mr. J and one of the kids got our big beach umbrella out of the garage and lashed it to the tall stump the birdfeeder sits on. They checked every night to see if the fledglings were still there and didn’t take the umbrella down until the chicks had flown away. I think that provided a wonderful lesson in strength, compassion and ingenuity.

I see Mr. J’s examples reflected in the children’s behaviors, when they are kind to younger kids, when they negotiate with him for interest on a late allowance payment, and in their knowledge of the natural world around them. My children are fortunate, and so am I.