From the “to be blogged about” pile. I read these two pieces within a few days of each other and the similarities between the two really struck me. Admittedly, I am pulling quotes out of context, but I think they are representative of each piece’s general theme, and not used incorrectly.
From the February 2007 Philadelphia Magazine, “Off the Cuff” column, written by D. Herbert Lipson, whose title, according to the magazine’s masthead, is chairman. In part he quotes current Philadelphia District Attorney Lynn Abraham.
Lynn Abraham thinks, for example, that too many young people in Philadelphia are having children without getting married, and that too many girls have several children while they’re still teenagers.
Okay, so far I’m on board. But she goes on:
“What do you want us to do about your kid that you conceived when you were drunk or high,” Abraham asks rhetorically, “and you don’t care about your kid, don’t even know who the partner was, and never go to a doctor?”
Here she is addressing parents but, from what she says, I would guess she is primarily addressing mothers. I guess those “unknown partners” get a pass?
Taking this train of thought a little further we have Jonathan Last’s “One More Thing” column from the Inquirer on January 28, 2007, entitled “A picture so stark, it’s horrifying.” He takes up the issue of abortion. At one point he notes that nearly a fifth of all abortions are requested by married women. Near the end he makes this statement:
In fact, the numbers show that the individual abortion usually does not involve one of those tragic, heart-wrenching archetypes. Rather, it is simply a matter of an adult woman deciding she doesn’t want to be burdened with bearing the child she has created.
Hey! Whoa!! Since when did humans start to reproduce by parthenogenesis (development of an embryo without fertilization by a male). Last I heard it took two (with some noted historical exceptions, perhaps).
Now if someone wants to write about the circumstances that have grown out of the decoupling of sexual intimacy, established relationships, and childbearing, I’m all ears. I’m with you. I’m there. But if we’re going to have a serious conversation about this, let’s bring all the parties to the table.
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6 comments:
come on Jane. You know that guys aren't responsible enough to be parents. It's always the responsibility of the young woman.
I'll turn around now and allow every female reader to smack the back of my head.
But seriously, we do live in a society that doesn't place equal responsibility on the men (or boys) in this situation. It takes two to tango. But sadly, at the end of the day, if the guy disappears, he doesn't have a child to raise. I wish I could say something other than stating the obvious problem to offer some solution, but I simply can't.
LV,
Well, I disagree on a few points. There are some wonderful dads out there. For example, the one in my house is spectacular. I agree that right now we don't place equal responsibility. But with more reliable paternity tests more easily available it is harder to escape the financial responsibility. The prospect of having any legally earned wages garnished for the next 18 years should get people's attention. I know it takes effort and means to track errant fathers down but it can and is being done and it is something men should keep in mind.
But if, as a society, we are going to place more responsibility on women for the care of children then society should make it easier for them to do so, with greater child care options and more freely available health services.
As one example, most child care centers and after school programs close at 6 p.m. If you are really lucky you can find one open until 6:30. One woman I know was offered a great job -- she was picked out of over 100 applicants, but the job's hours were until 5:30. At rush hour she needed 45 minutes to get to where her child was. The company wouldn't let her shift her schedule 15 minutes, so she had to turn the job down. Cobbling together someone else to pick up the kid is nerve-wracking as something will go wrong somewhere.
I don't know what the solution to these problems are but I think the discussion around them needs to be broader than talking about the children women created with no reference to fathers.
The first paragraph of my comments was sarcasm. Obviously my dad was a great and responsible person while I was a kid. Talk about sacrifice. The man would be at my night time baseball games until 10:30 PM as my coach and then be up and to work before 5 AM (he was a baker at the time). He had dinner on the table at 5 PM when mom was coming home from work and made sure we had made significant progress on our homework. I know there are millions of dads that receive little or no credit for what they do (our blogging buddy daddy democrat as a great example).
But you are right. IN the event that there is a struggling single parent, can society help. The short answer is yes (but as a Democrat I see government as an agent for progress). I've worked in an afterschool setting and have seen the struggle to get to center before 6 PM and I've seen parents turn down great jobs just as you described. yet, you talked to the former state senator from Allentown (now congressman Dent) about these matters, he stressed personal responsibility. He just missed the point, as do too many lawmakers.
It's a good topic you've raised.
I do like reading DD's blog, and appreciate the way newspaper bloggers at Capitol Ideas and Pennsyltucky Politics have mentioned the balance of parenting and working. The more men talk about this the less it is solely a women's issue. If we can cast it less as "single teen mothers" and more "a broad overarching problem" it might get more attention.
Mr. J and I sit down with our palm pilots every week or so and go over schedules. What nights do either of us need to work late (because then the other one can't that night)? Weekend obligations? Special kid events (birthday parties, etc), in addition to the regular schedule of activities? We have a standard routine of one of us dropping off and the other picking up but that gets rearranged fairly often during peak times of the year.
We are simply accustomed in mainstream society to the notion that all families are two-parent families wherein one person brings home the money and has no family responsibilities to interfere with that and the other sees to all the family responsibilities. And that just doesn't fit a lot of the households with children anymore.
My guess is that Charlie Dent never has to be anywhere to pick up kids by 6 p.m.
Dear Jane; One solution that occurred to me is to make the child born to unwed parents a ward of the state and make BOTH parents pay support to the state to care for their child. Most people object to paying child support because it appears to help the custodial parent. This is a drastic an probably unfair solution but perhaps it would wake up some young people. PB
PB, interesting, but I don't know that it would fly. I think some localities let the non-custodial parent pay the state or local government which then sends a check to the custodial parent. Not sure about this. It might ease the angst in some cases.
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