Don't Fall Down, Mommy

Sunday was Mother’s Day. The little Janes decorated me with jewelry, earrings and a necklace on the most delicate chain I have ever seen which immediately tangled. I spent most of Sunday morning with a magnifying glass and a straight pin trying to fix it. I wore the new finery to church, listened as the children announced to everyone during the children’s message what they had bought me, and modeled for anyone who stopped me afterwards to check out the new goods. I understood that my role was to be admired for their sakes and to tell them how thoughtful they had been.

Much of parenthood revolves around praising and smoothing a child’s path. At this point, for me, it involves things like scheduling playdates, baking cupcakes, offering encouragement and positive learning experiences, providing a safe and loving home and nutritious meals. It’s not terribly difficult, other than trying not to bark at them too much. As they get older it will become more challenging.

The oldest little Jane reminded me a few years ago of the most important rule of parenting. He and Mr. Jane were dropping me off at one of those extended team relay walk / runs. I had tried to explain what I would be doing and why I would be away overnight but wasn’t sure the kid understood. As I was getting out of the car, he leaned forward to say something to me. I thought it would be “I love you” or “good luck,” but instead it was “don’t fall down, Mommy.” I nodded and said I would try not to fall down.

That’s been my primary parenting goal, not to fall down. We all see the stories in the papers of abusive parents who wind up in jail. But there are a number of other, smaller, less newsworthy ways to fail. I remember one fall day seeing a mom walk across the playground to drop off a kid; she was dressed in a black bustier and skintight leopard print Capri pants. At eight thirty in the morning. In my neighborhood that really stands out, and not in a good way. Parents behaving badly at sports meets, doing their kid’s homework, leering at their teenage child’s friends, arrested, making a fool of themselves at school, saying something thoughtless, forgetting to pack the child’s valentines the day of the class Valentines Day party. Big and small, the ways we might embarrass our children or provide bad examples are myriad. I drink orange juice straight from the carton (I’m the only one who likes that brand and, hey, it saves a glass), but not when my children are in the room.

So, I do my best not to fall down. However, I will tell you that Monday, the day after Mother’s Day, I had half a pan of Rice Krispies treats for lunch and then took an hour long nap. Today I will climb back up on my pedestal and try not to fall down.